Finding Love After Divorce: Can You Find Your Soulmate After a Breakup? 

It was a cheating scandal which played out for weeks involving Ime Udoka, suspended NBA head coach of the Boston Celtics and husband to actress Nia Long. Udoka’s affair reportedly involved an NBA staffer. 


A few short months following the cheating scandal, the married actress and coach split from each other. 


Most recently, Long was spotted on the red carpet for the movie premiere of her latest project on Netflix, “You People.”  And on that carpet, she wasn’t alone as she arrived with R&B singer Omarion where both posed for pictures together. 


Following reports of the popular 90’s actress and singer dating or being part of a new couple, Long was quick to hit social media and tell the world she’s, “Single AF.”


On the hunt or exploring an idea of Finding Love After Divorce, we wanted to know can one find their soulmate after a breakup? 


“Life is supposed to be lived, so just because something failed, if you’re still living you still have opportunity,” said Dr. Sabrina Jackson, author and motivational speaker affectionally known as ‘The People Expert!’


“We all change and just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you know all about a person. One has to really learn the nuisances of change, because who I am at 20, isn’t who I am at the age of 50.” 


Jackson also doesn’t align with the idea of someone having a soulmate or some idea that their right person is waiting out there in the wings. 


“You choose who you love. Something about a soulmate makes it mystical, makes it magical  and takes it out of your control. Love is a choice.” 


Love is something Dr. Rose Moten of Detroit has always desired, inspired by the love and affection she saw up close from her mom and dad.  


“Romantic love for me means a partnership, a mutual level of respect, reciprocity is important to me. Someone who is able to reciprocate the same degree of love that you out.”


She grew up thinking everyone had the same definition of love as her parents had for each other. It would become how she would form her love output. For as long as Moten could remember she has loved love, even keeping a poll of diaries and journals from elementary school chronicling her desire to be loved.  


Moten was married in her 20’s to her first husband of 12 years, which produced four children. They divorced in 2007. The idea of being single and never finding love again was never a burdened thought for Moten as it can be for others. 


“A lot of folks will trip themselves up with quantity over quality,” Moten said. “People say ‘we’ve been together over 50 years, but it’s been 45 years of hail.’ Well, is that really what you want?” 


Moten says she often hears women talk about the hail they’re going through in a relationship but not willing to walk away because they’ve invested a lot of time and fear watching another woman reap all the benefits from their ex-partner. 


“Don’t’ subject yourself to this behavior because of that fear. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If a person hasn’t done the work in your marriage, what makes you think they are going to do it in a different relationship?” 


Following the divorce of her first marriage, years later she married again which ended as early as it started she’ll tell ya. 


After pooling in the dating circle for some time, she is happy to be in a loving four-year relationship with her partner, “Reggie.” 


“The level of consideration and intentionality that he shows me, I know he showed in his relationships,” she says, pointing out her partner was previously married for 20-plus years. Reggie had been single and divorced for seven years before meeting Moten.  


“There’s not a topic we don’t approach; we’re very  open with each other. I’m in the type of relationship that I believed always existed.” 


“One of the biggest reasons for divorce is that partners have just grown apart,” Jackson says. “The things that I value and that are important to someone may not be important to their mate. In order to move on to your possible new and greatest love story, you have to heal from the old failure.” 


However, Jackson stresses failure doesn’t mean to never pursue another relationship, but “learn the lesson and do it differently.” 






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