By Terrance Wilson, Contributor
Just recently a comment was made by an NFL kicker that has caused a lot of controversy. In a commencement address, Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker commented the greatest achievement of a woman’s life would be that of a mother. The uproar was because of the assumption that a woman’s greatest value is to her family. As we look at society, we see the value women have had on the family and many times it comes at the expense of her career. For this, society owes a great debt to the women of the world.
Many people have taken issue with his comments for various reasons. I, myself, also took issue with the comments he made, albeit for a very different reason. In Butker’s speech he mentions that women would experience their most excitement by being wives and mothers. This begs the question, “what should be a man’s greatest excitement.” Unfortunately, a man’s excitement about fatherhood has been minimized and, in many cases, has become expected and seen as acceptable.
Now, we know there is value for fathers and the statistics bear this as true: 63% of youth suicides, 71% of high school dropouts and 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes. Research of this topic will show these are only the beginning of negative effects of a disconnected father. If these are the negative results, what would be the positive impact of having a father connected to his family.
In order to address this question, let’s revisit the statistics shared earlier. One thing that all of these stats have in common is the link to mental illness. Mental illness has an impact on a person’s thoughts, perceptions, feelings and behavior. A person who commits suicide feels unloved, thinks their life has no value and perceives the best option for them is to say goodbye to this life. A person who drops out of school does not believe they have to capacity to learn because no one has taken the time to help them believe in themselves.
What is it about a father being emotionally connected to his children that creates a counter to the statistics, mental illnesses and emotional disorders that were afore mentioned? After all, it’s thought that men by nature are not known to be emotional nor emotionally connected. The answer to this question is not that we as men need to become emotional to be emotionally connected. Instead, we connect emotionally through providing emotional stability.
As fathers, we can provide a calming force in a distressed world. As fathers, our emotional intelligence helps to establish a foundation that our children can build on. Establishing a good mental health for our lives also helps to ensure a better opportunity to achieve a good mental health for our family.
Not only can we create an emotionally stable foundation for our children but our excitement to be in their lives will create a confidence on the inside. When a child feels that their father is excited to be with them it helps them to believe their life has value because someone wants to be with and around them. When a child feels shrugged off by their father, they feel unimportant and that damages their self-esteem.
When a father is excited about being in the life of their child, that energy creates the emotional connection and can be felt for a lifetime. That energy is the counter to mental illness, high school dropout rates, prison rates as well as suicides. Children’s belief in themselves are based who first believes in them. As fathers (and mothers), when we get excited about the future of our children it becomes contagious to them. The more we believe in them the more they will believe in themselves.
Their belief in themselves will not just be based on what we say. Their belief will be based on our emotional connection with them. This emotional connection will come through the stability we create and the excitement we portray. So as men, let’s start to get excited about fatherhood. Make the decision today to be dedicated to fulfilling this role and together we can create a better environment for our children. And that is something to get excited about.
Terrence Wilson is an executive in the automotive industry, who is also an author, speaker, and mentor. His goal is to empower individuals to live in Love, Power and a Sound Mind, so they can move from victim to victor and live their best life. Terrence currently resides in the Metro Detroit area with his wife and two children. To find out more about Terrence, connect with him at twilsonspeaks.com.
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