Relationships of any kind can be a tricky and complex road to navigate. Romantic relationships require a certain level of trust, communication, respect and care. It is in these circumstances where most relationships thrive and evolve into something deeper and more intimate.
On the opposite spectrum, relationships that lack communication and respect are often a recipe for disaster. Often leaving one party to pick up the shattered pieces, these relationships are sometimes highlighted in more ways than healthy couplings. Taught to look for the red flags, sometimes a relationship can sputter to an end before getting off the ground. However, green flags exist and when looking for a mate for the long haul or a situationship for the short term, they are to be celebrated. No matter the end game, there are positive cues that will help to establish a mutually beneficial exchange.
“When difficult conversations or arguments end in respecting differences, mutual understanding and/or compromise. When you do not need to hide parts of yourself of fear of rejection, being unlovable, or undesirable. Also, you’re not changing core parts of yourself and your lifestyle,” says Morgan K. Overstreet, limited licensed professional counselor.
Being able to openly and effectively communicate in any relationship is an indicator that trust is at the foundation. Expressing thoughts around disagreements and difficult subjects is the true test. Having the opportunity to be vulnerable can sometimes bring a couple closer together and can be considered a green flag for relationships.
“[Green flags are] having honest conversations around difficult topics, the ability to experience, regulate and communicate a range of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ emotions and the willingness to honor boundaries,” says Overstreet.
Communication aside, relationships need a solid foundation. Authenticity for both parties and the ability to maintain respect is another pillar. Introducing calm and peace will help arguments stay contained and allow understanding to take the lead. The ability to genuinely apologize and make amends will become especially important when making up.
Since the pandemic, the dating pool may not look different, but the interactions are. Spending over a year behind a mask and socially distanced did not fare well for the dating scene. Now that more adults will be diving in head first after the pandemic, a professional suggests slowly including new bae into normal social plans gradually will help keep boundaries and also help to keep other established relationships intact.
“Continue to plan weekday and weekend activities for yourself and with friends and add your new romantic in and around that. That way you are not always waiting on someone,” says Overstreet. “When you feel discomfort or uneasiness, take time to reflect what’s really going on for you. Ask yourself the following questions: have I had this feeling before; what’s coming up or being triggered; how can I self-soothe before talking with my partner.”
In contrast, red flags in a relationship add a layer of warning and choosing to ignore these signs will lead to negative dating and relationship experiences.
“Red flags are when stating your needs in a relationship starts an argument, when communication is inconsistent and irregular without proactive explanation, name-calling, comments that are dismissive, the inability to recognize insecurity or jealousy, and blaming.
Finding the one is not as easy as Hollywood makes it seem. Rejection is a natural part of the game, no matter how unpleasant. Navigating feelings around rejection will put a healthy spin on the dating scene and limit expectations.
“Go into the dating scene with the mindset that not everyone is for you or going to be a long-lasting partner. Cognitively self-soothing by saying things like ‘everyone deals with rejection. I am not the only one who has or is experiencing this.’ Many types of relationships start and stop,” says Overstreet.
Ultimately, in relationships, listening to and dating from the heart can encourage healthy connections and could lead to a happily ever after.
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