You probably already know one – a narcissist.
Someone you might describe as selfish, self-centered, or maybe even a “drama queen” or “drama king.”
They come in many different shapes and forms with just as many varying tactics to corner their victims through methods like intimidation, gossiping and destructive patterns—all to make you doubt yourself. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
What is a narcissist?
According to Webmd.com’s article on Narcissism: Symptoms and Signs, a narcissist is someone who has “extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them.”
Although everyone can display narcissistic behavior every now and then, true blue narcissists “frequently disregard others or their feelings.”
Essentially, a narcissist does not understand how their behavior and action impacts others.
Ranging from being a trait to being part of a larger personality disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, symptoms can vary along a spectrum and can show up in a myriad of ways.
According to the article, narcissistic individuals are typically very charming and charismatic.
“They often don’t show negative behavior right away, especially in relationships,” according to the article. “People who show narcissism often like to surround themselves with people who feed into their ego. They build relationships to reinforce their ideas about themselves, even if these relationships are superficial.”
Narcissistic Variety
We know that variety is the spice of life, right? Then that variety also applies to two types of narcissism that behavior can fall under, which have similar traits stemming from different childhood experiences. The two types also determine the different ways people will behave in relationships, according to the article.
Type one: Grandiose Narcissism
Think of people who act more highly than others, like they are better than others – this trait is typically formed in childhood.
“These expectations can follow them as they become adults. They tend to brag and be elitist,” according to the article. “Those with grandiose narcissism are aggressive, dominant, and exaggerate their importance. They are very self-confident and aren’t sensitive.”
Type two: Vulnerable Narcissism
This form of narcissistic behavior is typically because of childhood neglect or abuse, according to the article.
People with this behavior are highly sensitive to feedback or criticism, which they feel are attacks on themselves as a person.
“Narcissistic behavior helps to protect them against feelings of inadequacy,” according to the article. “Even though they go between feeling inferior and superior to others, they feel offended or anxious when others don’t treat them as if they’re special.”
Know the Signs
Because narcissism is still being looked into and studied and because scores of narcissists and people with NPD don’t get treatment, it can be difficult to spot one from the get-go. Yet, there are commonalities from people with narcissistic behavior that could be easy to spot.
A few include:
A sense of entitlement. “They believe that others should be obedient to their wishes and that the rules don’t apply to them,” according to the article.
Manipulative behavior traits. From being manipulative and controlling behavior to initially trying to win a person over — a narcissist will at first attempt to impress you but over time, their own needs will always be on top.
“When relating to other people, narcissists will try to keep people at a certain distance in order to maintain control,” according to the article. “They may even exploit others to gain something for themselves.”
They desire to be admired. “One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration,” according to the article. “People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.”
Other traits include a lack of empathy and arrogance.
“If you recognize that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you can change your dynamic in the relationship and challenge your partner to alter how they view you and your relationship,” according to the article. “It is possible to change the way your partner looks at you and to help mitigate some of the effects of narcissistic behavior.”
That change looks like learning about potential narcissistic traits in oneself and others, then growing and transforming, if need be through counseling, to develop better self-esteem and self-compassion.
“This means treating yourself with kindness instead of comparing yourself to others,” according to the article. “You can stop trying to evaluate yourself against others, which can lower your need for praise and recognition.”
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