You’re being too sensitive. They didn’t mean it like that. Toughen up. Don’t overthink it.
Sound familiar?
These are common phrases used by people who gaslight to throw their victims off balance mentally — not to talk of on the job.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person (or group of people) secretly plant seeds of doubt in the mind of a targeted person (or group) to make them question their own memory, judgment or perception of an event, according to various definitions.
Lansing-based Chelsea Jay, a career coach and employee advocate who is “unapologetic” about her approach to getting people’s careers all the way together, posted about those phrases on LinkedIn because she knows firsthand about being gaslit at a job time and time again.
“This is a prime example of gaslighting,” Jay noted of her examples. “Just a reminder that you are entitled to your feelings, never let any boss/company invalidate them, and toxic behavior in the workplace is not OK. If you’ve been told this once… that’s too many times. You deserve better. Go get it.”
Jay also posted a LinkedIn poll inquiring if others have been gaslit in the workplace.
“Have you ever worked in an environment that made you question your sanity?” Her question on the professional social networking platform read and (out of 452 votes) 90 percent of her poll-takers have been gaslit on the job; nine percent have not.
Gaslighting is an invalidating experience that is all too common in the workplace, too.
On the job, a gaslighter can be a negative manager, a dubious coworker, a prejudiced workgroup, an angry customer/client, or even a business competitor.
Psychology Today (PT) reports that “workplace gaslighting can also be the result of systemic, institutional bias, or negative media and social media coverage. A gaslighter may target and victimize groups as well as individuals.”
Workplace gaslighting, according to PT, is different from other forms of job-related issues like:
- The difficult work situation is because of a consistent individual, group or institutional bias and negativity, rather than solid proof, strong facts, established cases, and/or proven data.
- The harsh work environment creates a negative narrative about the gaslightee (contrary to evidence) and damages the gaslightee’s personal or professional reputation.
- The mistreatment persists over a period of time, despite a clear track record of the gaslightee’s positive collaboration, contributions and accomplishments.
- When approached on the matter, the gaslighter typically deflects and denies.
“The result of chronic gaslighting is that it can make the gaslightee feel ‘lesser’ as a team member, contributor or provider of product or service,” PT reported. “One may even begin to question one’s own professional credibility and personal self-worth, wondering if the gaslighter is justified in their judgments and accusations (despite evidence to the contrary). Gaslighting is a form of psychological brainwashing.”
Jay said that a lot of times people worry professionally about their job security and then fall into a trap of pleasing their employers and making sure they are happy while “neglecting their self-worth and happiness.”
Jay said it’s important to always see how the individual feels and be vigilant to pick up on the signs of being gaslit.
“Continue to make your voice heard — continue to speak up,” she said, adding that the biggest thing in the workplace is always finding an ally or allies to “help you raise your voice, thoughts, opinions and ideas.”
She also added that it’s important to note if being gaslit is a common occurrence and if the job is worth sticking around for.
Jay also said that Black employees are often susceptible to being gaslit on the job.
“It is extremely common in the Black community and minorities, period,” she said. “We’re afraid of being seen as too aggressive if we’re too loud or vocal.”
Jay added that she encourages her minority clients to find an organization that allows one to thrive, embraces their culture and who they are.
“Our job is not to make other people comfortable,” she said.
One of Jay’s clients, Kaljah Adams, a full-time college counselor and resume writing business owner, said that she has been gaslit at work before.
“To just feel that my experience of what I was going through [was not valid],” she said adding that once at her old job all of her coworkers [except for her] received holiday gifts. “I felt some type of way about it.”
Adams said that her previous job had constantly downplayed her feelings and she left for her new position, which treats her much better.
“I’ve used Chelsea’s services in different aspects,” Adams said adding that her confidence has grown since then. “She gave me a lot of insight and self-worth in the workplace making sure I understood my value and what I bring to the table.”
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