In a conversation with a friend of mine, she talked about a recent date that may be her next relationship.
She gave details on everything from picking out the right outfit to the excitement of new possibilities; needless to say she was looking forward to the date.
She shared that she met her new love at a very upscale restaurant and he looked even more handsome than when they originally met.His suit was tailored and his lips perceived to be so kissable that she could hardly stop looking at them when he talked. My friend was in heaven; she said the dinner was great and the conversation even better. As she continued to dish about her evening, the conversation took a turn for the worst. She asked her date, “Why was he single?” He replied with the one thing that should send every single woman who wants a relationship running for the hills. “He has friends that he dates but he’s not looking for a relationship” I told my friend, better luck next time.
However, she was insistent on trying to decode what the statement meant. So I gave her the harsh dating advice that I knew she did not want to hear or accept, “It meant, just what he said, that he’s not available, he wants a situation-ship not a relationship.
Situation-ships are the new purgatory for love relationships. They can be very deceiving, they can periodically cater to a woman’s need for physical closeness and attention, coupled with a sense of concern but no real emotional attachment, security or commitment. Unfortunately, these types of so-called relationships can be emotionally damaging and typically are on the man’s terms. All that being said, my friend continued to give every excuse in the book on why she should still date him.
Contrary to popular belief, men are not that complicated. It’s just that women have become so addicted to the thought of having a relationship or some slight resemblance of a companion that we try to fit square pegs into round holes. When did the tables turn? Women used to be the sought after prize, men would court for years, battle to the death, just to get a glimpse of a woman’s ruby stained lips and now we are settling for situation-ships.
Here’s the real deal ladies, when a man tells you that he is not interested in a relationship… HEAR him and BELIEVE him. This statement is not the green light to convince him otherwise with the hopes that once he gets to know you, your awesome personality and/or how great you are in bed that it will persuade him into committing his all to you.
Sorry to say, that is the exception and not the rule. As women, we need to reclaim our throne and stop risking our heart on being the exception and begin trusting our heart to the rule. As Maya Angelou said it “When a person tells you who they are, believe them the first time”.
The Single Black Chick’s Tip: So the next time you’re in the market for a man and your date says he’s not looking for a relationship. Remember if he’s not looking for what you are looking for in the beginning, why would you waste your time on the second date? Doing so will save you time and heartache in the end.
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