Several notable Black men—Vince Adams, Dwayne Bryant, Vincent K. Harris, Maze Jackson, and Che Rhymefest Smith—recently held court at Chicago’s 21st annual Black Women’s Expo, to discuss Wives, Girlfriends and Side Chicks Decoded. The all-male relationship panel, facilitated by the lifestyle bloggers Six Brown Chicks, exposed six relationship myths that no longer apply in today’s relationships.
Here, then, are the 6 Biggest Myths about sex and side chicks.
- If you want a man to respect you, you must make him wait for sex. “It could [happen] on the first date or first meet,” says Vince Adams. “As far as the 3-day rule or 30-day rule, there is no rule. It’s [cool] as long as there is chemistry, respect, and understanding between those two people.”
- Cheating destroys the primary relationship. “You never know a person’s situation,” says Che Rhymefest Smith. “I know some women who stepped outside of their relationship and it made their main relationship better because they realized what was out there.”
- A man cheats because he’s not getting something at home. “I cheated [back in the day] just to see if I could get away with it,” says Vincent K. Harris. “I wanted to see how many women I could juggle; but it costs a lot of money (and time) to keep a side chick, so that stopped.”
- The friends with benefits/no-strings-attached relationship will NEVER develop into something meaningful. “It’s possible for friends with benefits to develop into a relationship as long as both people respect the new standards of the relationship,” says Vincent K. Harris. Harris adds that the couple should also “expect growth for one another and never consider the negative thoughts of those outside of the relationship.”
Dwayne Bryant adds that a commitment is the least of your worries if you don’t bring something to the table. “Discover your purpose in life first; begin walking in that purpose, and developing yourself as a woman,” Bryant advises. “Be what you are looking for before looking for a commitment, because if you get the commitment and you don’t measure up, guess what? We’ll break up anyway.”
- Side chicks are 20-somethings looking for a sugar daddy. Side chicks are mature and have their own money, more often than not. “Some men meet women who are 40-to-45-years-old, and they think, ‘I’m not going to start with her as a wife,’ says political analyst Maze Jackson. “So, a lot of women in that age group, they start to give up, and they go down the path. The same woman who says ‘I ain’t never going to be a side-chick,’ when she looks around and doesn’t have anyone to call, she [begins to] thinks about it.”
- The side-chick is just a sex partner, nothing more. Che Rhymefest Smith says people shouldn’t be so quick to judge or dismiss a married man’s girlfriend. “I know people who are married and sleeping in separate bedrooms. Sometimes you’re with the wrong woman but you can’t get divorced because you have kids, you have cars, etc., so he has another woman—and with her, it is a companionship, with his wife, it’s a business.”
Photos by Dawj Sangster
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