By Dr. Portia Lockett
Years ago, I was part of a training team that provided health and safety education to workers in the automotive industry. One concept that stayed with me long after that experience was the SQDCM model—Safety, Quality, Delivery, Cost, and Morale. These five pillars were essential in creating safe and productive work environments that led to better outcomes for both employees and customers.
Over time, I realized that this same framework can be applied to personal relationships. Just like in the workplace, a successful, loving, and healthy relationship must also be built on these core principles. When each of these elements is in balance, the relationship flourishes. But if one or more is missing, the relationship can suffer, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled, unsafe, or even emotionally drained. Let’s break it down:
1. Safety: The Foundation of Trust
In any relationship, safety is the foundation. Most mentally and emotionally healthy individuals want to feel secure—physically, emotionally, and mentally. This means being with someone who treats you with the utmost respect and makes you feel valued. Emotional safety is especially crucial:
• Can you share your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment?
• Are you being supported during difficult times?
Without safety, it’s impossible to grow in a relationship. Safety builds trust, and trust is the cornerstone of love.
2. Quality: Investing in Each Other
Quality time is vital in building and maintaining a relationship. It goes beyond simply being in the same room. It’s about intentional communication, connection, and vulnerability.
• Are you both actively listening to each other?
• Are you growing together and making time for meaningful conversations?
Quality also refers to the effort both partners put into ensuring the relationship is healthy and thriving. It’s not about perfection, but it is about consistency and care.
3. Delivery: Keeping Your Promises
Reliability is the backbone of any committed relationship. When you make a promise, do you follow through? Delivery means doing what you’ve committed to—big or small—and proving your reliability over time.
• Do you deliver on emotional support when your partner needs it?
• Are you present and dependable in times of joy and crisis?
When delivery is consistent, it reinforces trust and deepens the connection.
4. Cost: Emotional and Financial Investments
Every relationship comes with costs—both emotional and financial. It’s important to understand:
• What type of emotional investment are you making? Are you pouring love into the relationship but receiving little in return?
• Are you financially compatible? What are your values around money? Do you have open, honest conversations about spending, saving, and financial goals?
Understanding the costs involved ensures that both partners are clear on their expectations, which can prevent future conflict.
5. Morale: Uplifting or Draining?
Morale in a relationship reflects how you feel overall. Is your partner building you up or tearing you down? This is a crucial question:
• Do you feel emotionally energized and fulfilled, or drained and lonely, even when you’re together?
• Are you settling for mediocrity because a few of the previous elements are in place?
A healthy relationship should inspire growth, confidence, and joy. If morale is consistently low, it’s a warning sign that something deeper needs to be addressed.
Applying SQDCM: A Self-Check for Your Relationship
If any one of these five pillars is missing or weak, it’s an opportunity to pause and reflect. Is this relationship truly healthy, or are you settling for something that could lead to emotional grief and toxicity?
Ask yourself:
• Am I safe and secure in this relationship?
• Are we investing quality time in each other?
• Can I rely on my partner to deliver on their promises?
• Are we aligned on the costs—emotionally, mentally, and financially?
• Does this relationship lift my spirit and build my morale?
Healthy love requires work, intentionality, and balance. The same way a factory thrives when SQDCM is in place, so does a relationship. When all five pillars are strong, you create a space where love can grow, trust can deepen, and joy can flourish.