“Sometimes you got to encourage yourself.”
Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers sang it best in their 2006 hit song, “Encourage Yourself.”
That’s what it boils down to when seeking external validation is no longer working (because it never solely will), according to Relevant Magazine.
Although everyone wanting to be liked is a common occurrence – it even feels great when people are complimented – but at what cost?
According to the article, if a person feels preoccupied with wanting someone’s attention, being stuck thinking about what another person could be thinking about them, or when a friend made a bad comment about them – those are real examples of just wanting someone’s approval. Being focused on another’s response is an indicator of that, according to the article. While a person wants to find out if they’re liked or not, or if they stack up, that can lead to feelings of acceptance if people find the positives in what they are looking for. While this common phenomenon is not unheard of amongst humankind, it does bring up problems, according to the article. The reasons below from Relevant Magazine reveal why.
- We Are Only Playing a Guessing Game.
Regardless of thinking up great theories of why someone acts the way they do, people can never be 100 percent certain why a person behaves the way that they do. If someone didn’t answer a call quickly enough, were they mad at the caller for a previous matter or did they possibly have an unrelated problem and simply couldn’t answer the call? At that moment, don’t blame yourself for why they are behaving how they are, which is wasted energy, according to the article.
- How Folks Show Out is Based on Them.
The Bible says, “Out of the heart the mouth speaks.” The things people say, or how they act, is 100 percent not the problem of the other person, according to the article — it comes from within.
“It all flows from their life experiences, along with their own potential insecurities and past wounds. It has nothing to do with us,” according to the article. People should not feel responsible for what comes from within another person. “And we certainly shouldn’t label ourselves by biased messages.”
- Others Haven’t Grasped the Knowledge of God (or you).
Do not give people “authority” in your own life, which happens when seeking feedback from other people. In essence, people are asking others to tell them who they are, according to the article. This dishonors God, the sole creator, according to the article and it does not paint a true picture, according to the article. This is because the closest person to us is not capable of knowing us as well as God does. They haven’t been in the picture the whole time, knowing our inner world or potential as God does. And they also don’t know what the future holds for us, according to the article. Lastly, another person cannot establish your status if they don’t know who you are from the inside out.
- The Problem Stems from Us.
A huge part of people looking for external validation is that these individuals cannot fix that restless feeling inside, according to the article.
The nagging “want” to obtain responses from others is truthfully not about those other people, according to the article. This issue is about how you feel about yourself. Seeking validation from others is because there is a piece of you that does not wholly approve of yourself.
The article encourages people to accept themselves completely, through work and proper healing and seek validation only from themselves.
- Change the Perspective.
The article also encourages people to seek a deeper relationship with who we are from our Creator’s perspective, “rather than the false gods we can make others into.” This takes an intentional shift of focus repeatedly. Speak scriptures over yourself and believe that God’s opinion matters above all.