PHAT Girls: A Dating Vibe 

Brittney LaShawn Newton, left, and Chalisa Clark, right, talk on plus-size women and venturing into the dating world.


Society would have us believe there is no room in dating for full-figured women. With the introduction of social media, it became easier to compare body types of women in setting the standard of beauty and the tone for how plus-size women are to be viewed. While each woman’s story is not synonymous with others, some plush babes have experienced hardships in dating. Being curbed for their curves plus-size women are sometimes eliminated as viable dating options and shamed because of their weight. 


The dating pool is already full of murky waters. Finding a forever love can prove to be a challenge and, in some cases, even more so for plus-size women. Society has come a long way, but the days of fat shaming and fetish sizing still exist. Many plus-size women are feeling the pressure mount with each new social media post or television ad. Still, plus-size women are taking a stand and rejecting the narrow views placed on them in dating.  


“My experience dating as a plus-size woman has had its ups and downs just like any other typical dating situation. It seems as though dating a plus-sized woman has become a trend in the most recent years. I mean we’ve all heard Drake‘s ‘I like my girls BBW’ line but let’s be honest, when have we ever seen him with a Lizzo or a Jill Scott or a Monique? It has always been the BBL (Brazilian butt lift) Instagram body,” said Chalisa Clark.   


A common misconception surrounding dating fuller-figured women is a lack of dating options. Though preference takes center stage when dating, we are made to believe plus-size women will settle because of their limited options in the dating pool. Plus-size women also point to the fact that some men believe they are less desirable due to their weight.  


“I believe plus-size women face hardships in dating because a lot of men tend to feel like, oh well she’s a big girl no one wants her so she’s just going to take what I can give her. We also have to face the fact that society paints a picture that we aren’t the most desirable even though many of us are extremely beautiful, just a little more fluffy. If I had a penny for every single time I’ve heard oh you’re pretty for a big girl I’d be rich by now,” said Clark.  


Body types have continued to evolve since the dawn of time. For Black women, their bodies have been objectified and examined due to their naturally curvaceous shapes. For plus-size women, the idea of their body shapes can sometimes be an unfulfilled fantasy for men. Stereotypically some men highly sexualize full-figured women helping to create a false sense of security and attraction for bigger women.  


“The guys who I have dated who have big girl fetishes, they just like the fact of being sexually active with a big girl. They like the way big girls feel. A lot of men have this theory that bigger women have better sex. They honestly like big girls but are ashamed to date one in public,” said Jazmyn Gates. 


Experiencing both spectrums of the scale, Gates has been able to form a broader perspective on men dating plus-size women. Weighing 405 pounds at her heaviest, Gates, after a health scare, elected to undergo weight loss surgery dropping more than 250 pounds. Now weighing 155 pounds, a stark comparison in dating has been realized.  


“My dating life now is better. I feel like, and [am] sad to say, guys treat me way differently. They look at me differently. I am the girl I always wanted to be but it’s very scary now because I still feel the same way,” said Gates. “Do they want to talk to me for me, my personality? Or do they want to talk to me because I look a certain way?” 


The term BBW, or Big Beautiful Women, is a recent phrase pegged as a compliment for plus-size women. However, for some, the term is discriminatory and excludes fuller-figured women from being considered simply beautiful.  


“I kind of teeter on the term BBW as far as it being acceptable or not being acceptable. I have an issue with it because why can’t I just be a beautiful woman? Why do I have to be a big beautiful woman,” said Brittney Newton, a plus-size model.  


As plus-size women’s bodies are scrutinized, they are beginning to turn the tables. Women are questioning a man’s capability of handling women with extra curves. 


“It seems like a bit of insecurity. Do you not have the equipment to deal with a full-figured woman,” said Newton. “If that’s what it is, just say that.” 


Despite their waistlines, plus-size women are making it known that they are deserving of love just as much as anyone else. Spreading self-love and body positivity, full-figured women are destroying the myths and reclaiming their time.  


“Any woman that is desperate for love or anything, I just want those queens to know that you do not have to accept anything,” said Newton. “There is someone out there who will love you for you no matter what size you are,” 


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